I’ve just finished some er…research and am now ready to write. In this blog, not my book. What do you think, I’m trying to be productive? Instead, I thought I would let you in on my step-by-step guide to writing. Follow closely, and you too can have a pseudo-finished first draft of a novel after three years.
First, gather all the tools that you can, whether necessary or not. Some examples may include a pencil (very handy), eraser (not as handy but still acceptable), sharpener (probably not necessary, keyboard anyone?), red pen, blue pen, note paper, snorkel…you get the idea.
Second, turn on the computer. Open the file. Essential. Do not forget this step.
Next, make a pot of tea. This step is important and must not be over-looked. Some of you may be thinking that this is just another way to procrastinate. That it’s not actually necessary for the process of writing. I disagree. Tea is essential. It doesn’t matter so much what kind of tea it is, as long as it is made with leaves of some sort. My favourite is Chai. But this is just a matter of taste.
While the tea is brewing, another essential step, is the playlist.
The right music for the right mood is essential. If I’m in the middle of creating the story, for example, I prefer movie scores. Try to ignore any weird looks you will receive for listening to the score of The Blair Witch Project. This is not important. What is important, is creating the appropriate ambiance and scaring the f*%k out of your neighbours.
Now comes the coveted internet research. Sources that must be tapped and subjects that must be explored are as follows: Facebook, Twitter, blogs of note, and last, but not least, anything you’ve ever wondered about in the last decade.
Next, make yourself another cup of tea. One cannot be creative when dehydrated.
Now, settle back into your office, make yourself comfortable, and proceed to the most important step of all: Damn You Auto Correct. Seriously. My sides still hurt.
Now you are set. Now you can write or edit comfortably, having broadened your mind with Facebook and balanced your chi with Twitter.
See steps above.